The Argument to End All Arguments
by Melannen Halfelven
Summary: The arguement to end them all . . . . horse piss or just mediocre wine? oneshot.


I've seen a few versions of the infamous "horse piss or mediocre wine" arguement, and I decided to write one myself. Hopefully it's better than the wine. :P

Lucivar watched in amusement while Daemon glanced around the room. By the look on his half-brother's face, he was probably searching for a basin. The Eyrien half-breed had to bite his cheek to keep from laughing when Daemon glanced at the thin wine glass that was resting in front of him - half full of the vile liquid which Daemon had unknowingly just taken a long swig of. After a few seconds of thought, Daemon swallowed. His face scrunched into a very unhandsome grimace as the wine slid down his throat. He coughed and tried to get the taste out of his mouth by wiping his tongue on his sleeve. At that time, Lucivar burst out laughing.

"What's so funny Prick?"

"You're face. . . ." Lucivar chuckled.

Daemon looked insulted. "It's not my fault they serve horse piss instead of wine!"

"Oh, I doubt it's that bad . . . ."

Daemon shoved his glass at Lucivar. "You drink it, then!"

"No thank you, I'll decline."

The black-jeweled warlord prince glared at his glass. "It is horse piss."

Yasi shook his head. "Bastard, if it were horse piss (which it is not) it would be yellow, not red."

"They dyed it."

"It's simply mediocre. I've had worse."

Daemon snarled. "You didn't even taste it."

"Ah, well . . . ." He smiled arrogantly.

Daemon grabbed the next waiter that passed by their table. "Good man, my brother and I have a question for you."

The man trembled. "Y-yes sir?"

"Is this horse piss or wine?" Daemon waited for the man to close his mouth, when he did not, he coughed softly.

"O-oh, um, w-wine s-sir."

Lucivar huffed in approval. "What did I tell you, Daemon? Wine."

Realizing that he had just disagreed with the most powerful man in the realm, the servant paled. "I suppose it could be h-horse urine, sir."

"What did I tell you, Prick? Piss."

Lucivar rocked his chair backwards and grabbed another waiter's arm. "We have a question."

"Yes, Prince Yaslana?"

"Is the wine mediocre or is it horse piss?" Lucivar inquired.

"I wouldn't know, sir."

Daemon rolled his eyes. "They don't know, Yasi."

"Well, who do you suppose we ask, Bastard?"

"If it were wine and lit with witchlight . . . . then the hottest parts would burn blue."

Lucivar snorted. "Doesn't everything?"

"No. If it were horse piss (which it is, I might add) it would burn closer to purple."

"How would you kn----" Lucivar stopped. There were certain things that were better left unanswered by Daemon Sadi.

Daemon smiled. "Let's go outside and light some to find out, eh?"

"Alright." Lucivar agreed reluctantly.

They both grabbed their glasses and headed to the door. A plump woman backed into Daemon, and got wine (or horse piss) spilt down her dress, and all over the floor. Daemon mumbled something derogatory before continuing on his way. The snarling voices of the two males could be heard throughout the banquet hall. 'Piss.' 'Wine.' 'Piss.' 'Wine.' And so on and so forth as they pushed and shoved their way out of the crowded hall, spilling more of the mystery liquid ever couple of feet.

Once outside, they stopped on the cobblestone drive. Lucivar took the glass from his brother's hand and poured both on the ground. It was a small enough area to be easily contained, yet large enough to see what color the flames were. The half-breed looked to Daemon.

"Do you want to light it, or should I?"

"I'll light it." Daemon bowed mockingly to Lucivar before flicking a thought at the puddle. A small spark hit the liquid. The two brothers knelt down to get a better look. Suddenly they were thrown backwards by a sudden blast of heat. Landing hard on their rumps, Daemon and Lucivar looked up to see what had caused the explosion. The entire manor house was ablaze. A small trail of flames led up to the doorway. There was a great whoosh and the flames leapt even higher. They burned a sickly purple color.

"Oh, shit."


End file.
